aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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