You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize