there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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