so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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