I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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