guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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