Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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