Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
