I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
