I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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