nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
