My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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