did you get engaged???
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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