If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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