buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
