Will you blow on my dice?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
