Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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