someone threw a dead crab at me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
