i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
