so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
