I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
