yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
