so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
