Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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