I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize