And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
