I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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