my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
