My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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