i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have post one night stand depression
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
