I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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