But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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