Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
