I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
