there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bring me that man meat
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize