im holly from the hills drunk
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
