Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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