we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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