gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize