For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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