Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
