forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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