absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My balls are so social today.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
