I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
