i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you will always have a special place in my vag
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize