I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize