you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
