I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
