you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
