i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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