He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
