Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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