I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
