i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
