i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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