Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
babies were throwing up all over the place
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
