FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My vagina is officially offended.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
