last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Bring me that man meat
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
