Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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