good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
