i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
cat food counts as protein by the way
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
