Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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