i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
