the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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