honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
