I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
