There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
